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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24721852">Warm Bread</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeris_Blue/pseuds/Aeris_Blue'>Aeris_Blue</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Undertale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Amnesia, First Memory, Homework, School, reflecting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:55:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,373</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24721852</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeris_Blue/pseuds/Aeris_Blue</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The boys ask Gaster to think back to his past.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fatherly - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Warm Bread</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Happy 2 year anniversary of The Doctor’s Fate! Maybe not the most exciting thing to post for it but it was nice writing some good old Dadster again.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was mere moments after they arrived home from school that Sans and Papyrus shared the coffee table to work on their newest class assignment. Gaster hadn’t quite heard what it was about but Papyrus was still chipping away at it with furrowed brows. Sans, on the other hand, was laying flat on the living room floor, his arms and legs splayed out from him in a rather exaggerated display of distaste. “What’s the matter?” Gaster asked, setting down his own homework of sorts to sign while he spoke so both children could understand him.</p>
<p>    “Brother is being stubborn again because he doesn’t like the assignment,” Papyrus wrapped his teeth around the eraser at the end of his pencil.</p>
<p>    “It’s dumb,” Sans bemoaned with his arm over his sockets.</p>
<p>    “What is it over?” Sans excelled in school, most of his boredom derived from the work being under his level but this was english where he was much closer to his peers.</p>
<p>    “Our very first memory!” Papyrus supplied scrunching his sockets with thought, “We had to think really really hard as far back as we could and then we write about it!”</p>
<p>    “Interesting, well then what are you writing about?” Gaster hummed with an amused smile.</p>
<p>    Papyrus stood up as if making a presentation, “I thought really hard about it and I’m going to write about sitting on mom’s lap while she painted.” His smile lost its earnestness becoming softer and softer until he sat at a default. “I don’t remember what she was painting though...”</p>
<p>    Gaster stilled his breath: he wasn’t used to them talking so honestly with him. Their parents were such a sensitive subject and they never brought them up without some provocation. “What matters is that you remember her, her likes, her dislikes, soft touches.” Stars what was he saying? He had no idea what having parents was like but it seemed to appease the boy.</p>
<p>    “Sans is writing about the day we got adopted and I know he can think further back then that!” Papyrus tattled.</p>
<p>    “Nope. Don’t even remember showing up there… pretty sure we were born there,” Sans’s voice yawned an attempt at speech.</p>
<p>    “Sans,” he bemoaned.</p>
<p>    “Papyrus,” he mimicked. </p>
<p>    “If that is what you wish to write about then go ahead, but it is important to reflect on where we came from.” His eyelights flicked to the ceiling briefly before they fell back to the pair, “It helps you define who you are now.”</p>
<p>    “How about you?” Sans smirked behind his permanent grin.</p>
<p>    “Me?”</p>
<p>    “Yeah! I want to know your first memory!” Papyrus chimed in.</p>
<p>    “Oh,” Gaster sat on the couch trying to think back.</p>
<p>    Sans sat up to lean lazily against the coffee table, “This will take a few minutes he’s really old.”</p>
<p>    Gaster scoffed, “But not yet senile. Lets see…” All joking aside, it was much more difficult for him to remember what had happened before he’d allied with the Prince’s vanguard. Where was he before he met Gerson? “The library,” he finally complied with agile Hands, “I remember this big book of words and studying them intensively trying to…” Figure out everything. All at once. Where and what he was, what the world was like, what the tall bristly things outside were, what the strange pink beings were, and why he seemed so strange. “Well, I suppose I started researching at a young age.”</p>
<p>    “Of course your first memory is in a library,” Papyrus scoffed, “I’m surprised it wasn’t a lab.”</p>
<p>    He chuckled into the side of his hand, “They weren’t as available to me then as they are now.”</p>
<p>    “Is it a good memory?” Sans inquired which gave Gaster quite a bit of information. The reason the boy was so hesitant was because whatever he truly remembered must have been a negative experience. Sans was fishing to find out if he was the only one.</p>
<p>    “It’s… complicated, there wasn’t anything good about that time of my life but I can look back on it without pain.”</p>
<p>    “Oh,” was Sans’s simple response as he returned his paper to the table. Perhaps it wasn’t the answer he was looking for but Gaster wasn’t going to start being dishonest now. The two went to work scratching at their homework and he turned his mind to an age he rarely reflected on. </p>
<p>    Actually, the more he thought on the matter the further he was able to push back. The woods. He’d woken up surrounded by trees with nothing of any clue as to who he was but a gray cape that swallowed his tiny form. There was no one there. Nothing but him. It took him a long while to stand on his wobbly knees to lean against the nearest tree but he didn’t even know what it was. It was scratchy, rough, darker in color than his hands, and the long sprouts across the top stopped the brightness above from touching him. He wasn’t very fond of that light, it stung his sockets.</p>
<p>    After a while he started walking, clumsily at first, but he got the hang of it as he wobbled from tree to tree. The first time he saw a creature, a bird?, well maybe it was a rodent of some sort, he was surprised to find something that moved aside from himself but it wasn’t nearly as interested in him. So he kept walking, and walking, the sun above dipped into the night and back up several times as he wandered unsure of what he was even looking for.</p>
<p>    He didn’t remember how he found his way into that small village but suddenly there were lots of creatures walking about as he was. A creature completely unlike himself noticed him standing at the edge of the town in a state of shock. They had large watery black eyes, soft white tufts that he knew now to be fur, and they wore a simple clean dress. The young bovine monster had asked him something but he didn’t recall much more than suddenly grabbing her wrist.</p>
<p>    She demanded he let go but he panicked and tightened his grip. This was the closest he’d found to something like himself and was scared to lose it. Nothing scared him more than what happened next though: she screamed. Something fluttered trapped in his chest, he asked her to stop, but that turned the scream into a wail as her long ears twitched away from the sound. </p>
<p>    It was the first time he’d seen words. Her Font had been Common but his-- well, it wouldn’t be the last time he thought it strange. </p>
<p>He pulled a bit sharper on her wrist to get a better look but a larger version of the creature showed up and effortlessly sent him toppling to the ground. “Get your hands off of her!” Their voice was lower than the wailing ones but the letters in the black box looked the same. The smaller creature grabbed the hand of the larger one. They matched in appearance right down to the large floppy ears that jutted out of the sides of their head.</p>
<p>    “Wait,” he called up from the ground, “where am I?” Their ears twitched with recognition but they turned their back on him. “Tell me something! Where is this? Why am I--”</p>
<p>    The larger one turned around with anger burning in their blackened eyes, “Go back where you belong.” With that they stuck their rounded wet snout into the air and left him atop the dirty street.</p>
<p>    Those words stung at him: where you belong. That’s what he was supposed to do. He was supposed to find belong or you belong. Regardless he had some sort of a direction now… If that could even be called one. His cloak fell over his form once more as he looked about the village for belong.</p>
<p>    The dirty road was busy as differently shaped creatures tucked in and out of buildings usually accompanied by a larger or smaller version of themselves. Strange. Perhaps he needed to find his big? Or maybe he needed a small? It would be odd for something to be much smaller than him but if he had a big they should have got him by now. So there must be a small out there looking for him.</p>
<p>He secured the edges of his cloak together to hide his exposed form: they were all wearing more than just a cloak. Their words looked so different from his own. With any luck his small spoke the same as him, that’s how he’d know who they were. He staggered to his feet but the world spun circles around him until he had no choice but to plop back in the dirt. Nights of aimless wandering without food or water or even knowing those were things he needed were finally taking their toll. Of course, he didn’t know that though.</p>
<p>There was a wrongness in his form, something that didn’t feel like it had before, but he didn’t have any idea what the pains were. He leaned against the nearest structure for support and inched his way along it. That day he saw the sunset for the first time, unobstructed by trees, and he thought he remembered feeling a fondness for the pretty colors. He observed the sky even as monsters began to hurry about him back into the little structures and seemed to settle there. </p>
<p>Should he do that too? He turned into the opening of the building he was leaning against. The large group of long eared furry creatures turned their eyes to him with worried expressions. “Hello,” he tried. Several ears twitched at the sound of his voice.</p>
<p>“Can we help you?” A dark gray one asked.</p>
<p>Their words didn’t match but that was fine, someone finally wanted to help him! “Yes, I woke up at the bottom of the hill and had a long climb up to here. I don’t know--” he noticed the way the small ones were giggling, why would they do that?</p>
<p>“Sorry I don’t understand,” the gray one held their hands up defensively.</p>
<p>His shoulders dropped, “I’m looking for you belong?” It was obvious he was bothering them. The table they sat around was decorated with wonderful smelling things that made his teeth chatter. It smelled so good.</p>
<p>“We were just getting ready to eat,” a warm brown one stated, “if you wouldn’t mind leaving.”</p>
<p>“But--” But what? Their words didn’t match. He needed to find a matching set, someone that looked like him, maybe a big but probably a small. With all of his weight against the doorframe he pushed his way out to wobble into the next dwelling where the results were fairly similar. As the sky faded into pitch and the areas around him were illuminated by tiny light that danced atop sticks it was harder to find open doors. Which one was he supposed to go in?</p>
<p>No one else was out; why was that? He rubbed his arm, did something bad happen at this time? Maybe some creature stormed the streets to destroy whatever was left. He flinched as his shadow caught against the dim lighting of a house. It was getting much colder. His bones began to jitter and click against one another making the spinning of the world around him that much worse. Somewhere safe.</p>
<p>He fell into a space between two buildings hidden well enough from the sight of whatever danger this darkness held. There were some scraps of things he couldn’t identify normally let alone in this lighting. Though looking back now he did recall the terrible stench of them. In that tiny little alley the tiny little monster thought they were safe from whatever terrible creature prowled the night. Of course, there was no such thing.</p>
<p>When he awoke the next morning everything ached, his joints didn’t want to bend, his back wouldn’t stop rattling, none of him would, but at least the sound was soothing. His jittery bones couldn’t even crawl out from under whatever it was. The streets were busy again with the patter of creatures he didn’t want to see. Not like they would be able to help something so unlike them.</p>
<p>Everyone here had long features at the front of the face and big floppy ears covered in something soft. They were nothing like him. In that moment he’d made a silent wish that there was a big out there looking for him, someone to take his hand and take him to belong, because he felt so very small. The first thing he remembered ever feeling was fear the second was a deep loneliness that left the child sobbing to themselves.</p>
<p>Luckily the cold from the dark began to ebb away but as the sun held itself higher above him he still couldn’t muster the-- anything to move, outside of his constant rattling. Soft padded feet approached his hiding place and he curled up as small as he could trying desperately not to be seen.</p>
<p>Stars, that was a monster he hadn’t thought about in a long time. “Would you knock that noise off?” The voice was tiny but hoarse. He peeked his eyelights over the smelly fabric, the creature had huge round ears, gray fur, a long bald tail that drug behind them, and a thin nose that wouldn’t stop twitching. There wasn’t any point in talking judging by the words floating in the air between them. With a hefty sigh the creature left him alone. Good.</p>
<p>Or so he thought. Next he knew the creature was back beside him holding out a soft, square of something to him. It was white on top, sort of fluffy, then a soft ground color closer to their tiny hand. “Come on, eat it you urchin.” Eat? His chest shrunk as he tried to hide away. “Just take it and shove it in your mouth.”</p>
<p>They dropped whatever it was to the ground and waited with a tap tap tap of their tail. What was he supposed to do? He reached out slowly then snatched it into his makeshift hermit shell. It smelled sweet, at least by comparison, and it felt wonderful between his hands. Warm, comfortable, lovely warmth that he would learn later to cling to. </p>
<p>He wanted to hold it there, warm and precious for hours, it just made him feel… like he could be okay as long as he had that little soft warmth but that wasn’t his instructions. With tears in his eyes he bit down on the tuft only to find it was even better that way. Suddenly he didn’t feel so pathetic, as if maybe he could do more than just rattle. He quickly devoured the rest of the piece of bread and crawled out from under his hiding place.</p>
<p>“A Skeleton,” the creature scoffed, “what the heck are you doing all the way out here?” The way he spoke it was no wonder he didn’t flinch when he’d meet Gerson later. That was how the nice monsters talked apparently.</p>
<p>A Skeleton? That was the first time he’d heard the word. Was that him? Was he A Skeleton? The only logical conclusion was that this monster knew what he was, who he was, and could give him answers. At least to his kid self that’s what it meant. “Where’s your folks?”</p>
<p>Folks? What were those? He lifted his shoulders to receive a: “Blasted war,” from the creature. “Go die somewhere else alright? Had enough of that in my life.” With that he turned on his heel and headed around the corner.</p>
<p>What was die? What were folks? What was that amazing thing he just had? Did the creature have more? He wanted more. He wanted to feel really good… And they knew him! They knew he was A Skeleton. They had to have answers! He followed after them hastily, “What?”</p>
<p>He held his hands out, “No ya don’t you’re not getting anymore from me.”</p>
<p>His hands dropped and he felt something in his chest grow cold as his teeth began to chatter. The rattle returned as he wiped moisture frantically from his eyes. “Come on don’t pull that whole orphan act on me.” They shook their head, “Fine. Fine. You win.” They tucked into a building and waved for him to follow.</p>
<p>It was. Amazing? The building had two floors every wall covered in broad shelves lined with book upon book. Not even the floor was safe as he found himself tiptoeing around several books open to specific pages. The creature sat incredibly slowly at a table that was decorated by a plate with the warm good smelling thing and a wedge of something orange. </p>
<p>He should imitate. The chair across from the big eared creature was placed beneath him and he lowered himself to it as slowly as the other had. They produced a dull silver object that passed effortlessly down the fluffy crust as they sawed it back and forth. Greedily he held his hands out in front of him, the creature sighed their beady black eyes holding a feeling he couldn’t identify before he passed it to him.</p>
<p>That was how he came to live in a library for several months, reading everything his boney fingers could grasp, learning how the world worked through words alone. Trying desperately to find anything that made sense… but, eventually he just started reading. He wasn’t going to find himself in these books, he wasn’t going to find his big or his small or whatever he was supposed to look for, but he read… because there was nothing else for him to do.</p>
<p>He was frustrated with himself for not remembering the name of that mouse that helped him out. Whoever they were showed him kindness for the first time, though in their own gruff way. They got him a tunic to wear under his cloak, shared stories with him, and let him stay there as long as he didn’t hurt anything. After he stopped coming by, what Gaster only now realized meant he’d probably Fallen Down with old age, everything just blurred together until the day he saw his first human.</p>
<p>Gaster’s eyelights snapped back to their full glow and Sans chuckled, “Welcome back Doc.”</p>
<p>“Sorry,” he rubbed his face.</p>
<p>“That’s alright old monsters like you tend to get stuck in the past.”</p>
<p>He glared teasingly at the boy, “Yes, well, sometimes it can’t be helped.” There was so much fear and uncertainty back then, so many questions without any answers, and he knew that. It was part of why he’d adopted the boys after all, he didn’t want them to feel that, but… it wasn’t really a good memory and the more he dwelled on it the less he could respect it. Those days were far behind him but they still hurt. “Sans. I want to change my answer.”</p>
<p>Sans narrowed his brows as he looked up to him, “Sometimes the pain of bad memories doesn’t go away. Like a scar I suppose, it’s still there, it just doesn’t bother you as much.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“But… I still think taking the time to look at unfortunate memories is important as long as you don’t pick at the scar until it opens.”</p>
<p>Sans looked to the ground, “I guess… I remember a few things from… before the orphanage.”</p>
<p>Gaster smirked and rested a hand on his shoulder, “If you don’t want to share with the class don’t. If you don’t want to share with us, then don’t. But know that it’s okay if it hurts.”</p>
<p>“Just don’t pick at it.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Gaster smiled as he stood up. “I think I need to start on dinner.”</p>
<p>“Can we order out?” Papyrus squeaked in protest.</p>
<p>Gaster laughed, “That does sound good right about now.” Sometime soon he’d have to ask if Grillby would make them a batch of fresh bread. That warm safe feeling was something he definitely wanted to share with the boys. For now though, “How about we order from that noodle place you both like so much!” Applause from the living room meant he’d struck true. As confused as he had been back then and as long as it took he was happy to have finally found his smalls.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you enjoyed! It’s been forever since I posted a plain ol’ one shot Drabble!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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